I was reading somethings out of my old journal and I realize how depressed and angry I was. For the course of maybe 6-7 years I was filled with angst.
I had one entry and it simply stated, “I don’t wanna feel like this…” and another one “…I can’t remember…” over and over again.
Wow, I’ve changed and now I see the pain I caused my mother when she knew how I felt and couldn’t do anything about it because I wouldn’t let her and I kept telling myself that I’m fine.
Looking back, I certainly wasn’t and it’s a miracle I’m here now.
do you ever get so disgusted with yourself, like you can not believe how stupid and thoughtless you are and it’s so frustrating because you keep telling yourself that you’ll do better next time but then next time rolls around and the same thing keeps happening and you end up in this pattern of mediocrity.